i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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