I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Randomize