Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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