If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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