Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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