CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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