A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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