Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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