Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
