somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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