you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My brain says no but my pants say off.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We are all done wearing pants today
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
