Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
