I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
