were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just high enough for therapy.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
