I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
