Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize