yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
