I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
