Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
