I wish you could order shots online.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
