just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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