Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
