she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I supernannyed him into submission
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
