when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
