I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My breasts were aching with rage.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
