My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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