Ambien. No doubt about it.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
