I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
