That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
