Ambien. No doubt about it.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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