he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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