oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
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