Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
