My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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