I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
