420 ftw
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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