So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
