In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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