Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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