Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
