Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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