The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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