hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
