These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize