everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Let's get the cat blown out
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
