If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
