Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
