I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
