pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
