Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
