We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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