He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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