Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
