I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
