i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
