i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
