He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
