I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
