I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
