you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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