I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
it's like heaven, but drunker
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
