I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
