you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
