Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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