At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
